Icing on Top

How about a cheerier topic? My life is not all dark and bleak as some might think. We do have some happier moments around here as well (it is what keeps me thinking positive). And what better topic is there to talk about than cake? Well, okay, photography, of course. But that is why I have a whole separate blog for that!

Once upon a time, I was really big into cake decorating. LOVED it. Except the clean up. HATED that part. All those little icing tips. Yuck. Anyway, I stopped doing ti for a couple of reasons. First, we moved into a teeny tiny apartment. You need LOTS of space when you do cakes, especially large orders like wedding cakes. We had cakes everywhere. It was too much for us. Secondly, I found that the more cakes I did, the more my hands started to hurt. Like really hurt. They would cramp up so bad, I couldn't even uncurl them from around the icing bags. Found out I was starting to develop a little arthritis.

I still do some smaller cakes for special occasions, like birthdays, anniversaries, the occasional holiday. Or when I teach a class on cake decorating.

My mom teaches Home Ec (it's not actually called that anymore, but the new big long fancy name is too hard to remember) at Bryant Middle School in SLC. Since the beginning of the year, we planned on having me go in to teach the 8th graders how to decorate cakes. The plan was for me to demonstrate how to decorate the cake one day, then have the kids do their own little cupcakes the next.

The morning I was supposed to go in for the demonstration we had a NASTY snow storm. The roads were terrible, and it took me nearly two hours to drive to the school. I completely missed the first period class:-( But, I was in time for the Second period. The demonstration went great! The kids loved the little "gingerbread" people (I hate actual gingerbread, so I used chocolate sugar cookies). The cake was covered in gumdrops, sprinkles, cookies, and candycanes. Yumm!

The next day, the first period did get to decorate their cupcakes, then proceeded to have a food fight in the hallways after class. I was so ticked off! My mom and I stayed up past midnight two night in a row trying to finish all the cupcakes and icing. My mom had their cooking privileges revoked for the remainder of the year. But I still went in the next day to make up for the morning I missed. They were a rowdy class. People who teach middle school are either very brave, or very insane. Maybe a little of both.

At any rate, the cakes turned out great, and the teachers enjoyed it (I gave the first cake tot he faculty, but kept the second for myself). Funny thing about cake: I love to decorate it, but I don't like to eat it much. The cake was only a 6 in cake, but we didn't finish it all. We are just not cake eaters. Sad, I know. But here is my cute little Christmas cake in all it glory!

Cheated

Last year, Craig and I decided to adopt. We have always wanted more children, but it just did not seem to be happening on our own. The doctors were perplexed. There did not seem to be anything wrong with either of us, but for some reason, we were just unable to conceive.

Well, the economy has taken a heavy toll on our little family. We were both unemployed for the entire summer and then some. Although we both have jobs now, and are doing a little better, we have sunk deeper in debt, and it will be a LONG time before we unbury ourselves. As such, adoption has become a distant dream. Our credit is so bad that there is no chance of any agency accepting us int their program, and it will take years to rebuild our credit, especially on our current income.

We briefly toyed with the idea of doing infertility treatments, but these can be very expensive, and are not a guarantee. So, the only hope we have right now of having more children is if I were to get pregnant on my own, which is unlikely.

We had just been coming to the realization that more children are simply not in our future, when lo and behold, my period was late. My cycles are as regular as clockwork, and extremely predictable. Anything outside the norm puts us on sudden alert. I didn't tell anyone for several days, waiting to see what would happen. As the days passed, I began to have a little hope. And then a little more. I could just envision showing Craig a positive pregnancy test on Christmas morning.

I hadn't taken a test at this point because I HATE taking those tests. There is NOTHING worse than seeing a big fat negative staring back at you. But, I knew I had to do it sooner or later, so I went out and got a couple last night, planning to use on this morning.

Well, late last night I suddenly started cramping fiercely. I knew immediately what it meant, and sure enough, within a couple of hours I started bleeding.

My feelings were a turmoil. Anger, hurt, betrayal. Betrayed by my body, and yes, I felt betrayed by God. After so many years, why was I given something to hope for, only to have it ripped away? I felt cheated. Ever since I was a little girl I have always wanted to be a mother, and I have always wanted a lot of children. As I stare reality in the face, it looks more and more like that wish will never come true.

I spent several hours crying alone into my pillow. I hadn't told Craig anything, so it seemed silly to wake him up. But as the tears slid down my face, I decided I had two choices. I could either wallow in self-pity, hating God for what I DON'T have, or I could move on, and be grateful for what I DO have.

I have chosen the latter. Yes, I am disappointed, and I still feel hurt. But I am going to pick up the fragmented pieces of my heart and get on with my life. I have an incredible husband who loves me, and I have a little boy who brings so much joy into my life. I have the best job I could eve have - I get to photograph newborns every day! Although I cannot have any more of my own, it is such a blessing to be around others, each one a tiny miracle.

My life has always been full of trials. At times, they seem overwhelming, and the burden is great. But when I give that burden over to the Lord, I am able to see the light in my life, and the many things He has blessed me with.

Thanksgiving and a BIG BIRTHDAY

What an. . .interesting holiday we had. First, at the beginning of the week we found out that my sis, Jenny, had to go in for emergency surgery. She had appendicitis, and some other complications. Surgery went fine, but then the nurse OD'd her on pain meds and she lapsed into a coma. Not good. The pulled her out of it, and she was actually home in time for Thanksgiving. Crazy! She is doing pretty well now.

For Thanksgiving, we had all the rest of my family at my house, even my bro Bill, who we hardly ever see. I had to work in the morning, but I left instructions on what to cook, so that by the time i got home we could just do some finishing touches and be ready to eat. I worked doggedly all morning, and rushed home, only to find that hardly anything had been done! Only the turkey was finished. The excuse? They got caught up playing video games. I am REALLY starting to hate video games.

So, then I rushed around the kitchen, finishing everything up. Despite the chaos, I think the food turned out pretty good. My favorite were the deviled eggs. Yum!!! And no, I am not going to post a picture of them. Y'all should know what turkey and deviled eggs look like!

It was great having everyone over for Thanksgiving. This was my first year hosting it, and I think it went pretty well. I just wish we had a little more space to put everyone!

As many of you know, I just celebrated THAT birthday. The one that has the 3 and the 0 in it. Yipes! Somedays I really am starting to feel old, but I think that has more to do with me working so much lately. Although, I am VERY grateful for the job I have. We didn't do anything for my birthday, but I did get the day off from work (yay!), and Craig made dinner and brownies for dessert.

Here is irony for you: I love decorating cakes, but I don't like to eat them. Go figure.

Last night Craig and I went out to his work's Christmas Party at the Timberline Steakhouse in Ogden. Seemed to be a very popular place, but I did not think their food was anything grandiose. I guess I just have a soft spot for Outback and Black Angus:-) Great food, low price.

Now we are gearing up for Christmas. Cameron asks nearly every day if it is time to open presents, lol. He is getting some cool space toys this Christmas. He LOVES to hear all about outer space and astronauts. And yes, he is a big Star Wars fan, lol. I love seeing him get so excited to learn about something. This is such a great age for him!