Yesterday was a BAD day! it seemed like everything was going wrong. I think I was PMSing big time, which was depressing me more than normal. It was odd, because even though I knew I shouldn't be thinking negative thoughts, my head wouldn't let go! Weird. That doesn't happen very often these days.
Anyway, I am feeling a lot of pressure from work right now, in more ways than one. I do A LOT of driving for my job. When they hired me, I had to show that i had a valid driver's license. Well, I don't. There is a hold on my license because when I got it I was asked if I had any history of depression, to which I answered in the affirmative. Unbeknownst to me, they then put hold on the license, but failed to mention that when they issued it to me. I didn't know until i moved to Vegas and tried to get a new license. In order to get the hold taken off, I have to have a signed medical release from a doctor stating that I am not going to drive myself off a cliff in an act of desperation. Or something like that. It's pretty ridiculous. I live in Happy Valley, UT - Prozac capitol of the world! EVERYONE here is depressed. If you can't drive just because you have some sort of depression, the streets would be empty! Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but you get the idea. At any rate, I have now been suspended from working until I can get this straightened out. After calling 20 different doctor's offices (that is NOT an exaggeration), I finally found one that will see me on Monday.
So, I may get that taken care of, but I may have to quit my job anyway. As mentioned, I do A LOT of driving. the company pays the regular hourly rate for drive time, plus $.10 a mile. It's not enough! Most of what I am earning pays for gas and daycare, and there is hardly anything left over to make the job worth my while. Craig wants me to work at the call center he is at - a thought I absolutely dread. Yes, it would be more money, but then I really WOULD be depressed.
What we would both really like is for me to be able to work full time with my photography business. Just 3 weddings a month could be enough for us to get by. but building a business takes time, and you also need capitol, which of course we don't have. What an annoyance! We'll get there eventually, it's just the road gets a little bumpy on the way.
And speaking of bumpy roads, here is the latest update on our TTC journey. I FINALLY got in to see a doctor. I was feeling it was about time. He ran some blood tests, which came back normal, so the next step for me is an HSG. That is where they inject some dye in to my uterus which will show if I have any blockage in my tubes. My doc seems to think this is the most likely culprit. He's also having Craig do a semen analysis, but only as a precaution. He is pretty sure that Craig is fine, but just wants to make sure. If there is some blockage, hopefully it will not be too bad and they can clear it out there. If it is bad, then they can either do a surgery to correct it, or we can move on to IVF. The surgery would be good, because that could open the way for more children in the future as well. However, it is a little risky, so that is something to think about. On the other hand, IVF may help us conceive, but it is very expensive. It is covered on our insurance, but we still have to pay the deductible. So many choices!
And here is one more road block. Cameron is not doing well at daycare. We were really hoping he would have adjusted by now, but every day is the same. He cries throughout the day for Mommy and Daddy, eats very little, and does not interact much with the other children. he has some good moments, and has shown a little improvement, but not as much as we would have liked. Right now they have him in with the younger 2 year olds. He towers over them, and I worry about that. Not to mention I don't think it is beneficial to his social skills to be in with the kids who have none at all! We are having a parent-teacher conference to discuss the matter and talk about solutions.
The good news is that Cameron is doing very well otherwise. His speech is improving more and more every day. He knows his colors very well, can count to 10, and recognizes many letters on sight. he is still totally addicted to video games, which is why we like having him in daycare. He gets to do so much more! We do worry about his eating habits. He weighs exactly the same now as he did one year ago! But he is lots taller, so he has thinned out quite a bit (still has some cute chipmunk cheeks!). He laughs a lot, and loves to make up games and play pretend. He loves swords, and has recently taken a liking to knives, so we have to be VERY careful to keep them well out of his reach.
Well, that's all. Kind of a long and depressing post. That's called Life, folks. We just keep pushing though and hope something better is going to come along soon.
